Letting Go…

 

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I am trying not to put up too much of a fight this month.  (Although that awesome  lion ring he is wearing is, “known to bring fame and fortune to anyone who wears it.”   I wear it when he isn’t looking.)

I am really letting go, and trying to create space.  I am not going to lie…this whole October Project 12 has me floating on one of those magic carpet squares.  I am considering some pretty drastic things…even ideas that would be life choices…not just October choices.  My heart is helping me create a path for healing myself, helping others, and bringing a focus to my community.  I am looking into fostering children and/or dogs.  (I am secretly hoping my husband doesn’t read this particular post, because I only said dogs yesterday when we talked about it.  The thing is… this carpet I’m riding on can fit so many others, so why not?)    I am trying to really follow my intuition, and listen.  So, yes.  I have actually shut my mouth more than normal this month.

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I went to a workshop last Saturday that combined yoga and energy healing.  It was absolutely beautiful and the exact place I was meant to be.  I really needed my lower back to heal.  It has hurt on and off for over 10 years now…but the past few months have been really bad.  It is hard to sleep, and I use my weight in Biofreeze weekly.    I learned that low back issues are related to finances…but I don’t get off (for lack of a better wordage) on money.  I need connections.  I need time with my family and friends.  My back hurt worse than ever the remainder of the workshop.  I could not even find a comfortable position, and found myself wincing in pain.  Here is the good part….I walked out of the studio, picked up my daughter and felt absolutely no pain.

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I cannot make this stuff up, ya’ll.  I was walking…almost skipping to get coffee!  I made my decision to give up a class that interferes with my family time during savasana.  We walked to Starbucks, grabbed coffee and I told her I was going to give up one of my classes in the afternoon so I could be there when they get off the bus.  She was delighted,  I was scared shitless, but my back didn’t hurt, so honestly I did not care.

Then I took it one step further.  I am really trying to expand and  trust my gut.  I decided to give up another class.  If my family fuels me…then I need to be with them as much as possible, right?  I was discussing this with my daughter, and I was deciding if I should hang on to it through the holidays, for Christmas gifts.

I asked her, “Would you rather have more presents, or my presence?”

Her answer:  “Your presence.”

DONE AND DONE. 

Besides giving up making money…and trusting everything will be okay,  (which is super scary stuff by the way) I did one more thing…

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I got my scale and moved it to the garage.  I have admitted before about being a bit of a scale whore.  I will weigh every day, and then weigh again if I realize I had a bobby pin in my hair.  I decided to let it go.  I have finally moved away from a place where that number dictates my mood or my day.  But I still get on it every day.

So, I relinquish the control.  (Or am I getting it back?)

I let the scale go.  Because, who cares?  Am I a better mom if I weigh a pound more?  Am I a better yoga teacher if I weigh a pound less?

Nobody.  No and no. 

October Project 12

 

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I saw this and found it interesting, because my bed is all I want some mornings and it is very much inside my comfort zone!

On a more serious note, it is easy to become a creature of habit, and to get stuck in ruts.  Routine is a good thing…don’t get me wrong.  But there is a fine line between enjoying structure and just “getting by”.   I don’t want to look back and see that I just survived this life…I want to look back and see how I THRIVED!  So throughout this next month I am stepping out of my comfort zone, and leaping into the unknown.  (Of course I am terrified.  But thrilled also.)

Of course God has already paved the way for some of this craziness.  If you have an adventurous spirit, you may not think any of this is crazy.  I love routine, structure, control, so some of these things I am doing are baby steps.

I’ll never forget one time my husband cleaned out the silverware drawer.  (dreamy….)  I opened it and my first thought was NOT:  “Awwww.  I have the sweetest husband ever and I should play the piano with him right now.”  (That is what he was expecting because he knows my love language. ) Instead, I shout, “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!”  and begin to have heart palpitations, and smoke comes out of my nose, and I am bawling my eyes out…all because the little forks and the big forks were switched.

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I’ve been going to FlyBarre 3 days a week.  I love my new schedule, and I have felt really good about going.   Well, wouldn’t you know on October 1st, they changed the schedule.  I couldn’t go.  I was devastated of course, so I  tweeted some ugly stuff, whined to my husband, and then decided to take my dog on a long walk.  The weather was beautiful, and I loved seeing his ears bounce up and down with every step.  We walked for an hour, and I listened to music, and soaked up the sunshine.  (Toby must have talked with God to set up that FlyBarre schedule change. )

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Then I start reading this book…It is no secret that I am madly in love with  obsessed with very interested in the writings of Jen Hatmaker.  Her book 7 shook me up enough to start my whole Project 12 idea. Well, this is the book before 7.  It lit fire under my butt, and I can’t wait to take the reins on this bad boy.   Project 12 will live on!

I am reading this for my circle at church, which happened to meet on Wednesday.   October  1st.  The same day Toby and I took our long walk.  The same day I committed to step outside my cozy box.

I wanted to list my 12 outside my box things I was going to do, but as I was doing that, it seemed too structured.  What if I just see what happens if I list a few and let others fall in my lap?

Here are some ideas I am pondering for this month:

  • meditating
  • ordering a new style of coffee/tea at Starbucks
  • new style of yoga- maybe Jivamukti?
  • marma massage
  • prayer wall
  • letting a waiter order the entire meal for me
  • take a dance class with my husband
  • eating vegan for a weekend
  • try a new ethnic food-maybe Ethiopian
  • not wear any make up for a week
  • letting my kids plan and prepare a dinner
  • take a social media break
  • not make a list of some sort–daily to do, meal plan, grocery…
  • let my husband plan a date night

You can see a lot of what seems to cause discomfort for me is relinquishing control.  What scares you?  What would it take for you to step outside your comfort zone? 

Balance Basics-Take 2!

It is bittersweet when an Intagram challenge ends.  I love it because enjoy having a challenge everyday, and seeing where I need to improve in my practice.  But, I know I annoy my family and friends by asking to take the shots.  I decided I’ll just do them every 4 months or so.

Here is what the second half of my challenge looked like.  (You can read about the first half HERE.)

IMG_8387 Day 19:  This is lolasana…one of those poses that looks a whole lot easier than it really is.  If you look at my face, you can tell that I am pretty much,  “oofing.”  My friend Shanna and I were talking about incorporating this into our practice more regularly…if you can do lolasana with ease, you can do pretty much any arm balance!

 

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Day 20:  Plank… I tried to be creative and do this on a bench!

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Day 21:  Bujapidasana.  Another one of those that takes some major core strength.

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Day 24:  Fallen Angel…easily my favorite arm balance.  This is one of those that look hard, but is actually pretty easy!

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Day 25:  Bird of Paradise

Day 26:  I shot a VIDEO of Dancer.  To Outkast….how cool is it that you can add music to your videos?  #imsorrymsjackson

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Day 28:  Dolphin.   This was a little out of my comfort zone.  Not the pose.  The whole bathing suit deal, and then the  poor people behind me.   I looked past the physical flaws and saw a strong, flexible body with enough confidence to rock out a yoga pose on the beach.   Stepping out of your comfort zone is CRUCIAL for growth and happiness.  I have seen it time and time again in my own life.

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Which leads me into my Project 12 for October!  I am stepping out of my comfort zone yet again.  Stay tuned!

I am thinking social media breaks, makeup bans, new foods, and possibly taking a class!  I would love to hear your ideas!

 

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