I am trying not to put up too much of a fight this month. (Although that awesome lion ring he is wearing is, “known to bring fame and fortune to anyone who wears it.” I wear it when he isn’t looking.)
I am really letting go, and trying to create space. I am not going to lie…this whole October Project 12 has me floating on one of those magic carpet squares. I am considering some pretty drastic things…even ideas that would be life choices…not just October choices. My heart is helping me create a path for healing myself, helping others, and bringing a focus to my community. I am looking into fostering children and/or dogs. (I am secretly hoping my husband doesn’t read this particular post, because I only said dogs yesterday when we talked about it. The thing is… this carpet I’m riding on can fit so many others, so why not?) I am trying to really follow my intuition, and listen. So, yes. I have actually shut my mouth more than normal this month.
I went to a workshop last Saturday that combined yoga and energy healing. It was absolutely beautiful and the exact place I was meant to be. I really needed my lower back to heal. It has hurt on and off for over 10 years now…but the past few months have been really bad. It is hard to sleep, and I use my weight in Biofreeze weekly. I learned that low back issues are related to finances…but I don’t get off (for lack of a better wordage) on money. I need connections. I need time with my family and friends. My back hurt worse than ever the remainder of the workshop. I could not even find a comfortable position, and found myself wincing in pain. Here is the good part….I walked out of the studio, picked up my daughter and felt absolutely no pain.
I cannot make this stuff up, ya’ll. I was walking…almost skipping to get coffee! I made my decision to give up a class that interferes with my family time during savasana. We walked to Starbucks, grabbed coffee and I told her I was going to give up one of my classes in the afternoon so I could be there when they get off the bus. She was delighted, I was scared shitless, but my back didn’t hurt, so honestly I did not care.
Then I took it one step further. I am really trying to expand and trust my gut. I decided to give up another class. If my family fuels me…then I need to be with them as much as possible, right? I was discussing this with my daughter, and I was deciding if I should hang on to it through the holidays, for Christmas gifts.
I asked her, “Would you rather have more presents, or my presence?”
Her answer: “Your presence.”
DONE AND DONE.
Besides giving up making money…and trusting everything will be okay, (which is super scary stuff by the way) I did one more thing…
I got my scale and moved it to the garage. I have admitted before about being a bit of a scale whore. I will weigh every day, and then weigh again if I realize I had a bobby pin in my hair. I decided to let it go. I have finally moved away from a place where that number dictates my mood or my day. But I still get on it every day.
So, I relinquish the control. (Or am I getting it back?)
I let the scale go. Because, who cares? Am I a better mom if I weigh a pound more? Am I a better yoga teacher if I weigh a pound less?
Nobody. No and no.