I look at this picture when I start to have baby fever. And it usually works and reminds me that I got my tubes tied for a reason. This lovely picture is me before having my daughter. I was in labor with her for about 51 hours and 43 minutes. I’m not kidding. I really don’t remember much of it. God was sweet enough to give me amnesia for about 50 of those hours. I do remember asking the nurse for pain medication. I guess I was getting something every 4 hours. She came in and said, “you got about 21 minutes until I can give you some more, hon.” The next 21 minutes I went back and forth between crying pitifully and planning on how to slice her eyeballs open.
Lately, I look at the picture and think it would be nice to lay in a bed for almost 52 hours and have fresh oxygen. I would like someone to come take my order for meals, and dote on my about my blood pressure and temperature. I’d also really like an epidural. And another baby. No, I don’t. Yes, I do. No. Yes. Maybe. But, probably not.
I was in Target and the lady behind me had a little girl, maybe 5 months old. She was holding her up and the baby was giggling and it was so cute and sweet. I could only see her diaper butt and the knitted beanie she had on her head. My heart was burning. I seriously wanted to ask the lady if I could hold her baby. And maybe borrow the baby for a few hours. I would have been fine if she just let me smell her and possibly kiss all over her face. But, I was afraid to talk because I was about to cry. Plus she may have had me arrested for kidnapping and/or being insane.
On the way home from Target, I planned my reverse tubal ligation, and went over baby names in my head. I was so excited to tell my husband that we may or may not be pregnant. He isn’t excited. He is borderline emotionally abusive when he tells me no, because he laughs when he says it. My mean, cruel husband reminds me why we don’t have a baby. Oh yeah… I like to sleep, I like to do fun stuff, and we can’t afford it. He is right, so I remind myself that he isn’t mean or cruel for a few days. I remember that I love the time I get to myself and can basically do whatever I want.
Then my friend has a baby, and Y2 gets onesis. On the same day. Are you kidding me?
Actually, I am content and don’t want another baby. I have plenty of friends who have babies I can borrow anytime. I like my kids being 7 and 10.5…what awesome, easy ages. I am done with all that hard part. (not really, I know teenage years are coming.)