Bittersweet

anxiety 006I have been teaching PE in elementary school since 2000.  That is 13 years of playing hockey, basketball, four-square, and gymnastics.  Try to guess how many band aids I have applied.  As excited as I am about this change, I am sad too.  It didn’t really hit me until yesterday… but I am going to miss these kids.   Kids are funny, resilient, and forgiving.   Three things that aren’t quite as easy to find in all adults.   So yes, I cried when we played hockey today.  I cried when I saw a friend tutoring a student on his math.  I’ll cry tomorrow too because that is what I do.  I cry when I am happy, anxious, stressed, sad, excited, or hear a song that touches me.  I am a crier.

I cry when I am teaching yoga sometimes because I feel peaceful and authentic when I am in that role.  Sometimes, I have to bribe my yoga students into doing headstands with me for a photo so we can laugh instead of cry.

anxiety 005

My husband started his new job and it has been really stressful around here.  (someone has been crying.)  He is working 12 hours a day and has no phone.  I am sure that families go through this all the time…I am just not used to it. It makes me feel very anxious.   I like to call or text him at least 8-10 times a day and let him know what I am doing/eating/drinking/wearing/thinking.  (he may actually have a phone but didn’t give me his new number)

I am not one for change.  Change= anxiety for me.  Seriously.  One time my husband cleaned out the silverware drawer (he knows my love language…) but he put the silverware back in the wrong spots.  I came home later and pulled open the drawer.  “What have you done?” I shriek.  Like he put dead rat tails where the butter knives go.  Not a joke.  I can’t make this stuff up.

I was wound pretty tight a few years ago, and I have learned to let stuff go.  I like to think I go with the flow a lot better than I used to.   But for the next few weeks, the flow is moving pretty quickly downstream.  And I am swimming upstream like a bat out of hell.   So here’s to deep breaths.

anxiety 004My friend gave me this bracelet.  Fearless.  I love to wear it because it reminds me to not worry about what is coming next.  It is out of my control.   This same friend even wrote this on her twitter feed:  “Anything that tends to make you anxious is a growth opportunity.  Instead of running away–embrace it.”

I also like it because my son likes to cover the “F” and say I am earless.

I also miss my husband because my kids have to take all my pictures for me.  I should get a bracelet that says headless.

 

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2 thoughts on “Bittersweet”

  1. “Worry does not empty tomorrow of it’s sorrow, it empties today of it’s strength” this is one I’m working on! Trying to let go and not worry so much. Way easier said than done but working on it:)

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