Car Bras, Truck Balls, and Duct Tape

Car Bras.  I never quite got the concept.

car bras

Recently, my friend and I were following my husband and her husband home from a trip, and  I saw a really dinged up old car with a bra on it, so I asked my husband…

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Okay.  So your car basically has bugs, rocks, and chipped paint all over it.  Except where the bra is.  ??

donatella versace

Kinda like tan lines.   Hawt.  (Sorry Versace.)

truck balls

Truck balls make me want to barf.  I’m not kidding.  They are one of the most disgusting things ever.   I have dry heaved a little just  writing this blog.  Hang a six pack of abs, a square  jaw, or that fine little sexy V thingy.  Balls are not sexy.  They are gross.  Always.  And I love men.  I love my man.  And I love his balls only because they had to come along for the ride.   Why to people want to hang balls from their trucks?   I asked google and these were the responses:

It’s requirement #1 in the “how to be white trash handbook”

It shows that their lady has cut them off

trucknuts

Allthenutz.com is your one stop store.  Please don’t click that link immediately after eating.    They have chrome, rainbow, and blue.  Veins and no veins.  (I just threw up.  This is totally my new diet. )They have big, bigger, biggest, and monster.  Below is copied from the website about the “Monster” size truck balls.

If BIG is what you DIG and TALL is your CALL then HANG these from your rig and folks will say DANG!!!

  • They are cast from a REAL BRAHMA BULL!! You know that had to hurt!
  • They are a squishy latex and will be just a flippin’ and a floppin’ under your rig!
  • They have a proprietary mounting system and they come with instructions

A few points from the above passage:  This is another answer to why people hang truck balls… so people will say, “Dang!”  Did they have to sedate the bull?  The flippin’ and floppin’ is seriously making me become skinnier by the minute.  (I may never eat again)  And, I totally don’t get the third thing.  I’m guessing they aren’t talking about duct tape…

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Speaking of duct tape– I really should not judge other people’s cars since my husband just had to re-upholster my seat.  The leather is torn.  Which makes driving home from hot yoga several times a week pretty gross.  This is way cheaper than buying a car.  (we have no car payment right now so I really don’t care.)

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I had to drive my husband’s truck the other day.  He had to leave me directions for how to crank it up.  Seriously.  I can’t make this stuff up.  His truck seems so huge and so I took up twelve parking spaces everywhere I went.  I drove through the CVS to get my prescription and the pharmacist told me to drive around and by the time I got back.  my prescription would be ready.  I must have looked annoyed and so I told her I was driving my husband’s truck and it was big, old and ugly.  When I circled around she told me the truck suited me.  What?  So,  I am big, old and ugly?   I flipped her the bird and demanded all the Valium they had.  (In my head only.  I really just drove away and cried.)

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