Dust to Dust

FROM DUST YOU CAME AND DUST YOU SHALL RETURN

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No diet coke for me, no fudge pops for Brody, no red meat for Kadyn.  Easy enough.  40 days to pray and show gratitude for what we have.  A  roof over our head, jobs, cars, running water.

OUR LIVES.

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Yes, let’s be thankful we are alive.  I have such a heavy heart today.   A former student of my passed away last week.  She was only in the third grade.  My friend told me this awful news last Thursday.  I am one of those people who take a really long time to process heavy stuff.  It all hit me like a wave today while I was teaching my yoga class.  When both of my grandparents died, it took months for me to get over the shock,  and then I began to grieve.  When my husband and I have a disagreement about something, I always have to back out and take time to sort through everything.  Sometimes this takes weeks,  and it is one of the quirky traits my husband hates loves has learned to live with.

As a mom, I cannot imagine losing one of my precious babies.  My heart is so completely broken for this family.  She leaves a brother behind, T,  also one of my students.  I taught his sweet face for 6 years.    I still hang a stocking with his picture on my Christmas tree every year.  The only ornament a student ever gave me.  The mother of this family passed away about 7 years ago, when T was in kindergarten.  My heart aches for T.  I know that he is doubting God right now.  How can he not be?  First his mom, and now his baby sister?  To be honest, I am doubting God too.  Why them?  Why two blows in one lifetime?   Why do I feel so guilty that I have these two amazing healthy kids, a husband I adore, and a life so happy.  Did I just do something right?  Or is a blow coming my way?

Is this all in His plan? 

All I can do is pray for them.  (and for me.)  So, I have been doing just that.  Praying for them (and me) in the childish/copywhatothersdo  way that I pray since I am not good at praying.  I know God doesn’t care that I am no good at it, and it has taken me a while to not care either.  (I do still care a little bit though)  I have hugged my kids a little tighter, and thanked my husband more.

Brody came to me this morning asking me to make French toast for breakfast.  We had 15 minutes until the bus came.  He still needed to shower, brush his teeth, get dressed and make his lunch.  (which takes a 7-year-old who may or may not need Ritalin an hour to do)

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So, we made French toast.

Give flowers to the living.  Show your love.   Thank others.  Show gratitude.  Hold hands.  Slow down.  Hug people.  Laugh.

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