Eulogy

IMG_9826

Several years ago when my Granddaddy died, my mom spoke at his funeral.  My dad asked me if I could please do the same for him.  He also reminded me of this several times, so lets see if I can make it through this…

One of my dad’s favorite sayings was, “Give the flowers to the living.”  He would go on to grumble about what good are they when the person is in heaven.  I would mention that it might be nice looking down from heaven and see the flowers someone brought for the funeral, or placed at your graveside,  he would look at me like I was an idiot.  A reminder that we have no idea the beauty in heaven…can you imagine how beautiful the hydrangeas are up there?

stagesofgrief

 

When someone you love dies, it really sucks.   It is so hard, and feels so very heavy.    Like a typical women, I cannot seem to get my heart and head together to even find a place on the stages of grief diagram.  One minute I am accepting, the next minute I am so saddened.  I have also been a little mad.  I walked downstairs into the hotel lobby Friday morning with my hair unbrushed, my comfy sweatpants, and looking like a haggard old lady.  They weren’t, but I felt like people were looking at me strangely, so I told them, “Leave me alone.  My dad died.”   (I said these words in my head only.)

I am mostly in the shock and disbelief state.  Just yesterday at my Aunt Kathy’s house, I looked out and saw his truck, and thought, “Yay- Dad is here!”  The next thought in my head reminded me that he wasn’t there.

IMG_9833

My dad has been sick for several years.  So, I have traveled these stages of grief with my dad many times.  Although he never died…he was pretty close many times.  But now that it is really here I am having a hard time accepting it.  For someone who hated cats as much as my dad did, he certainly had 9 lives.

IMG_9825

My dad was a bleu cheese hating, water-loving, amazing man.  I have so many awesome memories.  As an only child I was his world.  I know people say all the time that their dad is the best, but mine really was.  As a little girl, he would take me to the pool, and instead of laying on the lawn chair, he actually played games with me and all my friends.  I was always allowed to have friends over to spend the night.  And not just a couple friends.  The whole cheerleading squad would come over to his apartment, where he would make us his famous potato soup, or my Uncle Jack’s sausage gravy.  We would watch 90210 until he told us it was crap and forced us to watch Jag, Oklahoma, or The King and I.  Or even worse…MASH.  I still cringe when I hear that intro music.

He took me to Carowinds weekly, and Disney World yearly.  He was always FUN.  Always laughing, joking, and playing games.  I will always remember our drives to Tignal, GA and Jacksonville, FL where he would listen to 1110.  I mean this was the late 80s…who listens to AM radio??   I could finally convince him to put it on FM, and he would bust out Whitney Houston’s,  I Wanna Dance With Somebody.

IMG_9820

 

He loved going out to eat, and was a high maintenance customer.  No one cared, because he was so fun and a good tipper.  He taught me percentages by calculating the tip.  He also taught me that you can order whatever you want at a restaurant…even if it is not on the menu.  So I guess I learned the gift of being so  high maintenance from him.  My dad taught  me how to change a tire, drive really fast, and to memorize your drivers license number.

IMG_9821

Looking back, I can see where he struggled financially.  I never felt that struggle.  Except maybe in high school when I had to take a Pig sauce sandwich for lunch.  Yes.  That is 2 pieces of bread with barbeque sauce inside.

IMG_9831

When he met Peggy, her family welcomed us with open arms.  She had no idea what she was getting into.  She thought she was marrying this jolly fellow with a daughter in college.  No baggage, right?  The first time I met her, I brought along my mom, and step-dad for the interview  dinner.  She did not melt under that pressure, so I knew she was a tough cookie.  And so we all became one big family happy, slightly dysfunctional unique family.

IMG_9834

Heaviness gets a bad rap in our society.  We use it to describe being overweight, or carrying emotional baggage.  But heaviness can also be comforting, like a really thick warm blanket.  Settled, established, grounded. When you are grounded, you are supported, open and accepting.

A few years ago, I left the world of teaching little ones to become a blogger and a yoga teacher.  My dad was baffled at the idea that I could actually make a living doing this, and proud when I actually did it.

My favorite style of yoga to teach is vinyasa.  This style links movement to breath and is powerful, fluid, and if you are in my class, it is HOT.  I like to  sequence my class in line with the cycle of life.  We start in child’s pose and end in corpse pose.  In the beginning of class my students are curled up, forehead to the mat, just breathing.  Then we flow slowly, building up heat and intensity.  Just like life, it gets really hard and I know the they want to quit.  But they They keep pushing because they know what is coming.  Savasana.

Savasana is Sanskrit for corpse pose.  Being still.  Letting the earth hold your weight.  Being heavy.  Feeling grounded and at peace.

IMG_9822

There is an Native American saying when you go to heaven there is a scale.  On one end of the scale is a feather.  One the other end you place your heart.  If your heart is heavier than the feather, you have to go back and live your life again.

I held my dad’s  hand last Thursday night, and I told my dad this story several times.  Over and over.  I reminded him that his scale was finally balanced and it was okay to go.

He is grounded.  He is balanced.  And he is at peace.

IMG_0578

My dad said several times that he wanted his funeral to be a celebration.  And although we feel sad, and grief heavy…his heart is a light as a feather.  So like my dad’s favorite saying goes…Go give flowers to the living.  It doesn’t even have to be physical flowers;  smiles, hugs, prayers, notes of appreciation, and gifts of gratitude.

IMG_9832IMG_0697IMG_9828IMG_9824IMG_9823IMG_9830IMG_9829IMG_9827

 

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

40 thoughts on “Eulogy”

  1. Kacy, that was beautiful. So sorry For your loss but you’re words are perfect for describing his peace. Love you so much,
    Amy

  2. Kacy, That was so well written – you are a strong lady who is beautiful inside and out. Your Dad sounds like he was definitely the best Dad ever – what a blessing to have him! You have been on my mind and in my prayers. Hope to see you soon!

    1. Thank you Candace– your words mean a lot. I do feel blessed to have had such an amazing dad and all the (36) years I had with him.

  3. Kacy, you’re suck a talented writer. This is so beautifully written. Thank you for sharing. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. Xoxo

  4. Kacy I am so sorry for your loss. You did an amazing job sharing your love for your dad here and you must make him so proud! Sending you so much love!! ❤️❤️

    1. Thank you Renee…from what I have heard, that place in your heart is always empty. It fills up a little with time, but it never quite heals. Dads are pretty special. XO

  5. Sorry to hear about your Dad. I remember him as the man who managed the hayrides at Matthews School Fall Fun Day years ago. Stacy was always in line for a ride.
    Take care. You have wonderful memories just like Stacy and Lindsay have of their father to go on.

  6. What a wonderful and true tribute to your daddy and my brother, Frank. Your memories are so rich and beautiful and your father will always be the shining light in your growing up, Kacy. I love him so much and, you are right….he was a part of many families…..a very valuable part. Your story brought tears and laughter at the same time to my face and heart. His life was completely in balance and he was ready to go. I can still see his face all crumpled up in laughter and am sure he is in complete joy and peace in heaven. If anyone deserves to be there, he does and is and I will be glad to see him there.

    1. Thank you Harriet. I know how much you loved my dad and how wonderful he has always been to you and your family.

  7. Though I didn’t know him, I feel like I did through your beautiful words. Absolutely amazing. I notice your dad has the same twinkle in his eye that Brody does…now I know where he got it!

    And p.s. you make really, really cute children.

    1. Thank you Ensley! Of course we are biased and we think our kids are stinking adorable. And yes…Brody has been little Frank since he was born.

  8. Absolutely beautifully written. I did not know your dad but based on your words and everyones comments, I can see where you get your fun personality from! Sending you positive thoughts and prayers of peace. XOXO

    1. Ariel, Thank you so much for reading and commenting. He was really fun and funny, and I know some of it rubbed off on me.

  9. Oh cousin…thank you for sharing these flowers. I’m sending more your way in the way of energy, light and love. When I was in NC, Jerry shared with me his relationship with your dad and I was in awe. What an amazing man he must have been and I feel saddened I never was able to meet him. However, through your love and words, now I know him just a little bit better and can see the world was a better place for his presence.

    Namaste.

    1. Sweet Sarah- Thank you so much for your words and I will take all the energy, light and love you are sending my way. He and Jerry were really close and I admired how they got along.

  10. This is a beautiful tribute to your wonderful dad and the great relationship you two shared. I know you will miss him.

  11. What a beautiful tribute to your father. Remember that you make your father proud every day by being the person he brought you up to be. Thanks for allowing all of us to get a glimpse into the wonderful man he was – and he’s right, you pretty much can order anything at a restaurant even if it’s not on the menu!

    1. Reed-
      Thank you so much for your comment. This has been a really tough month. But it has been a month of me being really open and honest with my feeling. I have really loved following your Year of Letters. XO

  12. Reading this for the first time and just wanted you to know it’s beautiful! what courage it takes to get up and speak like this, so open and honest, while you’re going through a tremendous loss. You have an obvious spark about you and sounds like your dad was the just the same way!

    1. Thank you Courtney–He definitely had that spark about him. I feel like being open and honest about how I am feeling helps others to not feel so alone. XO

Leave a Reply