Find your Fun Aunt Kacy

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My mom brought me this little refrigerator magnet about a week ago…it is no secret that I love Namaste and everything about it.  I even had it tattooed on my wrist.   I know my mom sees me as loving, smart, creative, and beautiful.   I have written about judging others before…but how about how we judge ourselves?

What if we all saw ourselves the way our mom sees us?

 

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Then this happened….My sister-in-law posted this picture on my timeline yesterday.  She was scrolling through her Facebook feed and this popped up.  (This is one of those pictures where you have to spot what is wrong.  I saw nothing wrong except for the fact that I wasn’t invited.  Apparently, I was not only invited, but that is me in the picture.)  My nephew, Stephen, who is 7-years old,  saw the picture and asked his mom what beach Aunt Kacy was visiting.  I immediately told her to buy that boy a pony made of Legos or marshmallows.  Friends were commenting…”Kacy, you look great!”  I had to tell them it wasn’t me.  That it was actually my evil un-aging, tan, skinny twin-bitch that I now hate.  (Though I am still contemplating making it my profile picture.)

My immediate response is self-doubt, negative self-talk, and basic self-bashing.  Whatever.  I wish my body looked like that.  I want my skin to be that smooth again.  Too bad I am not that skinny.  I wish I didn’t have wrinkles.  These stretch marks are horrible.    I could never pull off a belly button ring.  That young thing doesn’t have a care in the world.

But Stephen, bless his heart,  doesn’t see any of that.  He doesn’t see the stressed out me who worries about her parents, her children, paying the bills, and her own physical health.  He doesn’t see that anxious me who struggles to get things done so her family will be happy.  He doesn’t see the me who loses sleep worrying.   He doesn’t see the me who feels so unbelievably lost sometimes.

He sees me as fun-Aunt Kacy, who is young and doesn’t have a care in the world.   He sees me as fun-Brody and fun-Kadyn’s mom.  He sees me as fun-Uncle Daniel’s wife.  He sees me in the summer making sand castles.  He sees me as the ultimate sandwich maker.  He sees me delivering freeze pops to everyone on the beach.  Why wouldn’t this fun-Aunt Kacy be at some beach, worry free,  looking 20 something with a rocking, tan, body?  Why wouldn’t fun-Aunt Kacy have a belly button ring at 35 years old?

Start to see your self through someone else’s eyes. Maybe a loving grandparent, spouse, your children, your best friend.  See the light and the peace in you, so that you can see the light and the peace in others.

Find your fun-Aunt Kacy. 

Namaste.

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