I have admitted to being a cry baby before. This whole crying thing is new for me too. I used to be pretty tough. Possibly even a bad ass. No more. I am a mushy, sappy cry baby. I think I was numbing my feelings for a really long time. For years, I was desensitizing myself with food, alcohol, extreme dieting, and busyness. So, for the past few years, I am FEELING again. And I love it.
No one believes me when I say how much I cry. (except my immediate family.) These are not always ugly, boohoo sobbing cries. Sometimes it is the type of cry when your heart swells up really big and tears fill your eyes. And depending on the circumstance, and the time of the month, some can be those horrific looking cries. Those cries where you have to look in the mirror to see how ugly you look so you will laugh and stop crying cries.
I kept a cry tally last Saturday. Here goes:
Cry #1 7:20am: I am walking around the neighborhood with Toby, and I thought about a friend of mine who is going through a divorce. I cried for her and her family.
Cry #2 7:45am: I am still walking around the neighborhood, and THIS SONG comes on my playlist. I cry because music moves me and because I am so filled with gratitude. (PS-Music makes me cry everyday)
Cry #3 8:30am: I go out to my chicken coop and there are eggs in the nesting boxes. This is just so beautiful to me and I love sharing this experience with my children.
Cry #4 9:15am: We are at the soccer field and I cry because the sun is out and I swear I feel the vitamin D getting in the depth of my soul.
Cry #5 10:00am: I cry because my little nephew is 8 weeks old and tiny and adorable and because I can still smell my babies when they were that young.
Cry #6 11:30am: We get home from soccer and Toby is laying in the yard. He looks so cute and I love him so much, so I cry.
Cry #9 5:00-5:30pm: On and off tears for 30 minutes. The couple say their own romantic vows and the officant gives a Celtic blessing. I cry because my husband and I secretly renew our vows at every wedding we go to. Then, I cry a little because I love these ladies with whom I started my teaching career with back in 2000. (I haven’t seen some of them in over 7 years.)
Cry #10 8:45pm: Last cry of the day. My husband and I are dancing and he tells me I’m hot and that I smell good. I cry because I love him so much, and that is about as romantic as I am going to get from him and I am totally okay with that.