June Project 12: post 2

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My husband and I are trudging through this Project 12.  In case you missed the last post, we are spending 12 minutes talking to each with no distractions or interruptions.  This has proved to be WAY harder than we thought.  (But really good too!)

 

June 8th- we missed it.  I feel horrible that we cannot even find 12 minutes…but right after dinner, I had a workshop then met some friends after.

 

June 9th- we missed it.  On purpose this time.  I was so disappointed in my husband I didn’t want to spend 12 minutes with him.  My son came home with another reflection sheet, so out went every single book in his room.  After that devastating after school activity,  my daughter and I went to visit her middle school she is attending next year.    When we got home, he was so glued to his phone that he didn’t get up.  He didn’t come sit at the table and talk to us and hear about our day, and how she liked the middle school tour.  He zoned out and did not show up.  I deserve better than that.  My kids deserve better than that.  I told him all this and said we would make up our time later.

 

June 10th- We made up for the time missed today and talked through all of the above.  We had a really good talk about being more engaged in each other and in our children.   I am guilty of zoning out with technology as well.  But I have been WAY more mindful of this in the past year.  I really make a point to leave my ringer off, and leave my phone in my purse when my kids and I are together. This is a huge issue in our society with all the technology.  I went to lunch the other day and there was a family of five, and they were all on their phones except the youngest kid who was just looking around.  It was devastating.

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June 11th- We spent our 12 minutes talking and praying for a big upcoming meeting.  We had a big talk with our daughter about sex.  She voluntarily signed a contract at school saying she would wait until marriage to have sex.  She brought it home and we were to also sign it as witnesses.  We sat down and had that really uncomfortable conversation together.  We of course talked about teenage pregnancy and STDs, but also talked about the feelings of being used, guilt, and shame that can be related.   We shared that sex is wonderful and beautiful–but best when 2 adults really love each other.   I really want to keep an open dialogue–and although it was uncomfortable, but I am so glad we did it.  We got her this knotted ring as a reminder.  <3

 

June 12th- We charged through our 12 minutes talking about our day…we checked the clock a lot because we were starting the new season of Orange is the New Black immediately after.  (it’s awesome by the way.)

 

June 13th- Easy 12 minutes on a Saturday morning.  Mostly boring talk about what we needed from the store, and what we were doing later that day.

 

June 14th- Our 12 minutes today was spent talking about my kids going to sleep away camp.  Both of my babies are going to be gone for a whole week.  After we talked about our fun plans, my husband and I got a little sad.  Our kids are pretty awesome and I am going to miss them like crazy!

 

This is definitely a good thing for us.  Most days are spent just talking about daily stuff, but the time we spend focusing on having a better relationship/being better parents make this whole deal worth it.

I would love to hear from you.  Will you have that conversation with your kids?  Solo or team up with your partner?  How detailed will you get, and will you use your faith as a backdrop?

 

 

 

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3 thoughts on “June Project 12: post 2”

  1. I LOVE YOUR FAMILY! I applaud you for getting the uncomfortable convo out of the way now. My mom always let me know I could talk about anything with her and I think it is 100% the reason I can say I’m proud of my choices today…there’s no way to make sex less sexy than thinking about discussing it with your mom, am I right?

    I love your honesty about how the 12 minutes doesn’t always go so well. Another big problem I see with social media is people use it to make their relationships seem perfect. So THANK YOU! You are amazing.

  2. I REALLY appreciated your honesty in this blog….especially the idea of the 12 minute conversation time. This is the effort that has to be made today in order for a marriage to work. Some of us have nothing like that in place and it is never good. It is not the technology in all cases though. Sometimes the communication is lacking in the people themselves. I loved that all three of you were involved in the “sex” talk with Kadyn and opened the door for her to be open with you from now on. That is so important. I’m glad she signed the contract and hope she really understands that this commitment will make her adult life free of guilt and fear and replaced with the opportunity to be free and happy and content in her life. That can’t be bought at any price. Yes, I would put my faith in the forefront of any conversation. You are a family of faith and it should be number one, like an extra chair at the table. Love you.

    1. Harriet-
      Thank you for commenting! I try to be honest in my blog, even when it is embarrassing because I want to speak my truth. I love how you said faith is the extra chair at the table…I am going to use that.

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