Winds of Change…

 “When the wind of change blows, some build walls, others build windmills. 

–Chinese Proverb

I stumbled upon this on accident Friday afternoon.  It wasn’t an accident really, I needed to read it and God placed it accross my desk.  The flexibility I thought I had at work is gone, and some financial things I thought I had worked out are not so worked out.  These are two huge stressors for me–money and time.  And so, the crazy thoughts begin…How will I pay for this? How will I have time for this?  Why can’t people mind their own business?

Windmills, not walls.  Windmills, not walls.  Windmills, not walls.  This has been my mantra that has keep me sane (sorta) through the weekend.  Repeating that, eating donuts, watching lifetime movies, prayer, and lots of yoga.  My daughter had some friends spend the night on Friday.  Naturally, I have to get donuts for them to eat for breakfast because I am the best mom ever.  I knew I was going to eat a donut.  I didn’t know I would eat 3.  I ate all 3 Friday night.  I should have known.

donuts

 

Donuts tend to do that to me.  (remember this?   I CAVED )

I woke up Saturday morning hung over from the amount of sugar that my body is not used to.  Seriously, I had a pounding headache, and my stomach was not happy.  There were donuts left…I immediately made an egg whites scrambled in coconut oil with some turkey sausage.  The fat and protein helped curb my cravings and got my day off to a good start.  It would have been very easy for me (especially given my state of mind, and hormones) to eat more donuts and just start over on Monday.  Or November 1st.  The thoughts crossed my mind, but I shooed them away.  I reminded my self about how great I feel when I don’t eat sugar, and that was that!

coconut

I taught my first yoga class at the Siskey YMCA–I had a great group of 34 yogis!  Afterwards, I needed some yoga myself.  My daughter and I went to a basics class together.  Just what we needed!  I loved practicing next to her–I got to see how strong she is!

A mime and a ninja. Not pictured. Toby–who was supposed to be a unicorn, but he ate his costume.
Saturday night, was our neighborhood Halloween party.  A few years ago, I decided that I didn’t want my kids trick or treating on a school night.  So, I changed the date.  The neighbors caught on, so now we have a little festival the Saturday before, complete with hayrides, a parade, and going door to door for candy!   (Can you tell I need to build windmills, not walls.  How type A is that?  I remember my husband saying, “You can’t just change the date of Halloween.”  WATCH ME.)
I cried though the entire 35 minute warm up during my Sunday yoga class.  It was hot, so I’m sure it looked like sweat.  I could not stop.  I feel so sad because I had felt so liberated.  I felt free, and happy.  I know what it’s like to have time and space and freedom.  I don’t want to give that up.  I went to part-time teaching so I could have more time to teach and practice yoga, volunteer,and have more time with my family, If my hours aren’t flexible, then I can’t do those things that I love and feel pulled to do.   Which means I should have just stayed full time.  The money was perfect.  But I wasn’t happy then.  I felt trapped.  I didn’t know I was so unhappy until I felt such joy.  Overwhelming joy. 
So, I am going to be a Windmill.  I am going to be a strong windmill who will find a way to bring the back balance into her life.  I may have to blow north for a few weeks until I can figure out how to rotate my blades.
For the most part, this is how I would like my days to be. Minus the cleaning, and adding coffee.

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